and I almost felt like crying, wanting
to to just bend down
and place my lips on the middle of her back,
and just leave them there, breathing all night, pouring out
stories of now and those written in a life
that none of us know how to speak yet,
and I don't know if she would have felt the kiss
that I would have meant so dearly to give, sometimes
the images inside of eyes that are closed
and dreaming on the inside of a prayer, dont slow down
forever, like forever feels
slowed down when time is
set free
made equal.

and i almost felt like crying because
i think she would have understood it better if
at all, than my just smiling in the dark.

tell me a story she said, and i tired to, i tried
to tell her about maps made out of electrons
and fountains gushing light, and also about the romance of the penguins
down in the southernmost south, and also about soft hurt
like the white-pink sun leaning on clean wet grass, or the warm hissing
of disturbed and sleepy whispers, i tried to tell her how i felt
when i put my lips down on the middle of the back of the universe, and about
how excited i am for the future, how god damned beautiful i feel and am for the future,
i tried to tell her about the taste in my lungs while hugging each breath
stretched fresh in every now, and about all of the now's
voltaic and invisible along the middle of the back of the future, and how that
makes the future not so far away, its only
whats next
and everything.

i dont know what she was thinking.
i never really do.
and i think she does
think that i always have known, which is why
we are only close together,
not perfect.

and i have to believe that she is happy, as happy
as most of the people i am lucky enough
to love, but i really only need to believe that
for myself.
And that is why sometimes, like last night, i almost
feel like crying, but that would get confused like everything else
that i try to share with the world, and she would have
probably asked me what was wrong
and would have worried
when i insisted nothing
nothing at all.

Penguins in the Antarctic don't have to be scared
of things like Polar Bears or kisses misunderstood
or lost on the middle of the back
of forever,
and neither do I.
It would be nice and I really hope
that Jen understands this and that my stories
are all honestly very
and really true.