and i dont know what its like
to be you,
any of you.
I wonder
what if
we could plug our head
heart
mind and soul
into an overhead projector and
everyone in the world
innvited everyone in the world
to attend an informal presentation
of what its like
to be each
and everyone
of us.

i bet- fuck -
no fuck that -
i know, we all would be
blown absolutely and completely away
flattened and collapsed
down to perfect straight lines,
in the most obvious
and beautiful
and incredibly unimaginable
(*don't try-you can't imagine something
that your imagination can't imagine*)
of ways.

i think our feelings
and our dreams and our hurting
and our fears
would relentlessly and
continuously shake, crack
and burst, leaving us (whatever is beneath)
naked, shiver-trembling, pure
and electric, and
then in a blink of a whisper
return us back whole,
each and together at once
soliloquy and symphony
boom and
thunder lightning
crackle and snap, yes
we would all be
such glorious storming
magnificent and momentousness,
time saying ok, we can go
just a little bit faster, as the voices
deep inside our bones
combine and tune their moaning
into song together, singing:
evolve. yea
that would be
pretty cool.

because lately, and not in
the petulant mirror-making ( that
is typical of our youth, unsettled )
kind of a way, ive been thinking
about my life,
and yours.
and for some of us i think, i can
only speak for myself, the
" what everyone wants " isn't really all
that wanted
much.
i used to think maybe i'd grow
into that common wanting, that perhaps
it would just bloom late, but so far ( and most likely
halfway through my season here ) I
have not.
i left some space in my garden
just in case-
wife-family
child-career
-healthy-happy
achievement-success-
i put them in rows, lined them up,
sat down
and waited...
so far nothing.
and whatever it is that reminds me
to do this, to check in on
these little vacant spaces
in my garden, seems to be
drying up.
I don't know how to water it anymore,
and i dont think i really care
or will for much longer.

and just the same, which is just fine,
i dont think alot of people would care
all that much, would be able to prop up
the interest in what
i do and who i am.

ive been happy and not.
im usually fine
either way.
i appreciate the experience
of both, i don't
have a favorite, i
love them both.
( for both i am )
for both are
innocent equally meaningful
and precious.
im not sure what would happen to me,
but if either one were to be no more,
what was left then could not be.
who knows what would happen then.

until then ill be here, in my room,
writing and painting
with Dublin,
my cat, and singing
along to great music.
you can come over and watch if you'd like,
make yourself comfortable
in a corner, and occassionally i will
look up, see you, and
watch you, and
smile.
(like
i always have and always
will. )